


In Which Tony Watches a Movie, Pepper Sort of Proposes, and Natasha and Steve Need a Drink

by cosmicocean



Category: Marvel, Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Crack, F/M, Pacific Rim - Freeform, Science Bros, so much crack
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-05-20
Updated: 2015-05-20
Packaged: 2018-03-31 09:58:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,721
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3973813
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cosmicocean/pseuds/cosmicocean
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Tony watches Pacific Rim and finds a new toy he wants to build.</p><p>This is total utter complete shameless crack. But tons of fun also.</p>
            </blockquote>





	In Which Tony Watches a Movie, Pepper Sort of Proposes, and Natasha and Steve Need a Drink

**Author's Note:**

  * For [FindingZ](https://archiveofourown.org/users/FindingZ/gifts).



“I _knew_ you were keeping things from me,” Tony announces as he enters Pepper’s office. “I mean, you’re the head of my company, so you’re supposed to conceal things from me that would make me sad, but really, this takes the cake. I’m serious, Potts. This might be grounds for a breakup. I’m taking half the stuff when we call it quits.”

Pepper doesn’t look up from the form she’s signing. “If we called it quits, you know full well I’d take everything and leave you by the side of the road with a screwdriver and your goatee.”

“Don’t forget my suits.”

“I think the Iron Man suits would make delightful coat racks.”

“I’m deeply offended.”

Pepper finally looks at Tony, putting the form to the side. “Did you have a reason for barging in here unannounced on a work day?”

Tony looks affronted. “I _always_ have a reason.”

“A _good_ reason?”

“This time, yes.”

She folds her arms. “Well, let’s hear it.”

“I watched…” Tony pauses for dramatic effect. “ _A movie._ ”

Pepper groans. “Oh no.”

“A movie that, curiously, I was incapable of getting through the Internet and ordering off of Amazon. I wonder how _that_ happened.”

“I wonder.”

“JARVIS seemed to be under the impression you’d given him orders about that.”

“Was he.”

“I don’t know how you thought I wouldn’t just go down to Wal-Mart and buy a copy.”

“I don’t either.”

“Anyway.” Tony rubs his hands together. “I’m building Bruce and I-“

“Don’t say it.”

“A _Jaeger._ ”

“This is exactly why I kept this movie’s existence from you.”

“Do you doubt the fact that Bruce and I are drift compatible?” Tony puts a hand on his heart. “I am _wounded_ ,Potts.”

Pepper is unimpressed. “I’m a little wounded at the amount of attached you are to Bruce, honestly. Should I expect to hear that you’re dumping me for him?”

“I’m not _that_ attached.”

“You caught _The Fault in Our Stars_ on TV last week, looked at Bruce, and whispered ‘maybe science will be our always’.”

Tony waves that aside. “Irrelevant. How can you doubt that Bruce and I are drift compatible? We are in sync. Simpatico. On the same wavelength. And that means we should be able to punch giant lizards together.”

“Tony, when are you going to have the opportunity to punch giant lizards?”

“It could happen and we’ll be caught off guard and you’ll look at me and go ‘oh Tony, I should have let you build a Jaeger, I was so wrong and I’m sorry!’”

Pepper rubs her temples. “I have an appointment in fifteen minutes. Get out of my office, don’t build a Jaeger, don’t bully Bruce into helping you build a Jaeger, _don’t build a Jaeger._ ”

 

“There’s no way Pepper was okay with this,” Bruce says flatly.

Tony is busy pulling up blueprints. “Nope, she was all ‘this is the greatest idea you’ve ever had Tony I give you my wholehearted blessing and unconditional support’.”

“I can’t tell if you’re just lying to me or you’re lying to yourself, too.”

“You’re going to have to drop that sass when we go into the drift.” Tony points the screwdriver that he doesn’t even need because he’s not even building anything at Bruce. “The drift is a sass free zone.”

“So you’re not allowed to be there then.”

Tony narrows his eyes at Bruce. “You’re acting like someone who isn’t excited to build a giant Godzilla punching robot suit.”

“It’s not that I’m not excited, it’s that I’m scared of Pepper.”

“Fair.” Tony inspects the blueprints. “You know few years back Natasha was undercover as her P.A.? Imagine that, Natasha and Pepper as a team.”

Bruce looks adequately horrified.

“I survived that and I’ll survive this. Now come look at these specs and tell me what you think about painting it bright orange.”

“I can already tell you the answer is no.”

 

“I’m going to marry you so I can divorce you,” Pepper says wearily, standing in the doorway of Tony’s workshop.

Tony pokes his head out from under the leg he’s working on. “JARVIS, pause the Special Science Bros Lab Mix of Super Awesome.”

“Of course, sir.”

“How much did Bruce have to do with the creation of that?”

Bruce emerges from under the other leg. “Exactly as much as you’d think.”

“Pepper,” Tony says. “Light of my life. Peanut butter to my jelly. Leia to my Han. Building this is not going to hurt anybody.”

“Anthony Edward Stark, if you’re trying to tell me that you’re _not_ going to test drive this, you are out of your-“

“We’re going to do it in the ocean,” Bruce pipes up. “No one’s going to be hurt. And there won’t be mass amounts of destruction.”

“It’s _exciting._ It’s a _project._ It’s _great_.” Tony grins at her. “It makes us both happy. Look at Bruce! Bruce is excited about something! How often does Bruce get excited? He’s like the Dude, he’s just generally chill. Until, you know, he’s not.”

Pepper looks between Tony’s excited face and Bruce’s earnest one, and sighs.

“You’re not using any money from Stark Industries.”

“Nope,” Tony agrees easily.

“If there’s _any_ sign of cities getting destroyed, I will pull the plug on this so fast you’ll wonder when exactly the lights went out.”

“Got it.”

“And if you get yourself killed making this thing, I swear to God, I will bring you back just so I can throttle you.”

“Seems fair.”

Pepper sighs. “You’re lucky I love you.”

“I think that every day.”

She kisses him on the cheek. “Bruce, keep an eye on him.”

“Yes, ma’am.”

“Since when is Bruce the responsible one?”

“Was there ever a time he wasn’t?” Pepper turns to leave. “Don’t play the super science whatever mix, by the way, SHIELD gets nervous when you play Portal songs in the lab.”

“LOOK AT ME STILL TALKING WHEN THERE’S SCIENCE TO DO,” Tony yells. Pepper rolls her eyes and something occurs to Tony.

“Wait, did you propose to me, Pepper Potts?”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” She walks out of the door and starts going up the stairs.

“ _I’ll marry you if I can do it in the Iron Man suit!_ ” Tony shouts.

“ _You’ll be living in sin till the day you die!_ ” she shouts back, her shoes the only thing visible as she _click clicks_ up the stairs.

 

Nobody sees Tony and Bruce for the next five days.

Clint wonders if Tony will make he and Natasha a Jaeger. Natasha tells Clint she will not be getting into a Jaeger with him. Steve and Thor watch _Pacific Rim_ to understand what the hell is going on. Pepper manages the company and tries not to think about all the things Tony and Bruce are exploding.

After these five days, they get the call to assemble. Steve loses at the mass game of rock paper scissors and calls Tony’s phone.

“What up, Capsicle?”

“We just got the call. Suit up.”

“Yeah, I’m patching into the SHIELD frequencies now, should be able to- wait.”

“What is it?” Steve pauses in buckling his helmet.

“Holy shit. I can’t believe- _BRUCE COME LOOK AT THIS HOLY SHIT._ ”

“Tony, what-“

“It’s fine, it’s better than fine, it’s _fucking great._ We’ll be out in a few minutes, hang on.”

“Tony, this is serious-“

 “And we will seriously be out in a few minutes, just go out without us and we’ll be there _BRUCE COME ON GET OVER HERE THE GREATEST THING TO EVER HAPPEN IS HAPPENING._ ”

“I’m going to tell Pepper that she’s not the greatest thing to ever happen to you,” Steve hears in the distance.

“ _DON’T YOU DARE I WANT TO KEEP MY TESTICLES-_ “

Steve hangs up.

 

“No fucking way,” Clint says in awe.

“I need a drink,” Natasha mutters.

“That seems rather like-“ Thor observes.

“Yes,” Steve answers grimly. “It does seem rather like.” He runs his hand over his face. “That would be why Bruce and Tony needed a few minutes, I suppose.”

There is a giant lizard rampaging through New York. Steve hates every decision in his life that led up to this moment.

“They won’t have succeeded,” Natasha says flatly. “There’s no way they built anything that could fight that in a week.”

“No,” Steve agrees. “Can we take it down?”

“Sure. Let me just call Mothra and see if he’s available.”

Steve glares at Clint. Clint raises his eyebrows. “If you’re giving me that look cause you’re saying SHIELD probably _doesn’t_ have Mothra squirreled away somewhere then you are just vastly underestimating-“

There’s a loud _thunking_ sound that makes the ground shake even _more_ than it’s already shaking due to the giant lizard.

“No. Fucking. Way.” Clint whispers.

“I need _many_ drinks,” Natasha rectifies.

“I may join you,” Steve mutters.

A Jaeger is stomping through the streets of New York. It’s painted bright red with splashes of green across it and it strides up to the lizard and punches it in the face. The lizard goes down and slams hard into the street, unconscious.

“That was impressive,” Thor says thoughtfully.

Steve rubs his temples.

The top of the Jaeger pops open and Tony Stark, in all his glory, jumps out of it and surveys the world below him.

“ _IT WORKED!_ ” he bellows. “ _EAT IT, GODZILLA!_ ” He looks down into the Jaeger. “Hey, Bruce, it worked! Aw, buddy, don’t throw up in the Jaeger, man, we just built it, she still had that new Jaeger smell.”

 

These are the things that happen after what Tony triumphantly refers to as “The Epic Science Symphony Godzilla Punching Day” or “That Time Bruce Got Jaeger Sick and Threw Up All Over Symphony”.

-The World Security Council orders Nick Fury to put SHIELD resources towards building reserves of Jaegers. Tony films when Nick tells them. For posterity.

-Natasha gets drunker than anyone (including her) thought possible.

-Steve discovers he _can_ get drunk. It just takes a lot of work.

-Thor declines his own Jaeger on account that he is mighty enough on his own.

-Tony does build Clint and Natasha a Jaeger.

-Clint sleeps in it for about a week.

-Pepper does eventually acknowledge that the building of the Jaeger was a good idea.

-But she still doesn’t let Tony wear the Iron Man suit to the wedding.

**Author's Note:**

> 1: Firstly, I would like to dedicate this to the lovely FindingZ, without whom this fic would not have been written.  
> 2: I will be using the line "maybe science will be our always" again.  
> 3: I totally have that Science Bros mix on my iPod and am considering posting it to 8tracks.


End file.
